I think you did a wonderful job critiquing. I was really hoping the OP would come back and engage with you a little, and answer your questions, and give a little. It’s really too bad, because Im positive this tog would have gotten a lot more feedback from others if they had shown some sort of interest or gratitude. Since the OP never thanked you for your time, I will. Thank you.
For the OP. I think maybe this article might help you. Please read before you ask for critique again.