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Obviously I have a ways to go since I don’t seem to meet all of the criteria necessary to attain fauxtographer status.  But I am holding hope that maybe one day…!

Do not fret, Trainwreck. As long as you keep your flash full power right at your subjects face, put away the useless tripod, and consider the finer points on selective color your goal will no longer be insurmountable. And, remember – practice is for suckers!!  🙂