Fauxtography Fairy

Fauxtogs beware! If there are too many poor quality photos in your portfolio, this adorable little terror will show up and eat (what appears to be) your heart!

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  1. umpa umpa umpa dee do………………………

  2. Jim T.

    I still want to know,who are the people paying for this kind of shit photography?

    • Frankly, I doubt they’re paying… or paying very much. There are a handful that flat out don’t have taste, but I’ve found that 90% of the time when I quote someone for what a photoshoot will cost (especially newborns) it’s “too expensive” and since they don’t know any better they just go find a friend who enjoys photography that will do it for dirt cheap because they have no respect for what a real photographer does.

      • I have seen a few of these hacks in our area shooting for free to ‘build a portfolio’. But quite honestly, if this is the crap you put in your portfolio, I doubt you get many of the clients that you aspire to.

      • LOLZ,

        How else would you recommend people get experience when their quality isn’t up to the level where they feel comfortable charging money for their product?

      • TollToll

        I agree with E. let them charge free and scam people. It’s not about the client it’s about the quality of the client. Do your best to tell them that quality matters in photos and that they can’t get your quality by going to someone ‘free’ and see what happens. if they like the free pictures and dont see a problem with them, then let them be, they’re not the client you want.

  3. WHAT is that baby eating? Yuk.
    Why do people think we want to see babies nappies? Yuk.
    And someone clean her face?

    • Wsroadrunner

      Yeah, WTF IS THAT?

    • TollToll

      Vendors for bloomers and boutiques who make custom bloomers are everywhere and usually will give photogs a discount, use them people! no one wants a caked up baby in diapers on their wall.

  4. Heather

    Wow.. that is one of the worst cut out jobs I have ever seen and the colors hurt my eyes. Why?

  5. Jaundice anyone?

    • Not jaudiced, whites of eyes aren’t yellow. Spray tan?

      • Well if the parents have had their baby spray tanned then they don’t deserve to have a baby!

  6. How these people get clients bewilders me

    • because the charge like $25 for a CD of 23,346,565,321 images and people looking for a deal are like fuck it, I can spare $25… but if they would just save their money and not waste it on shit like this (and probably the nine million other shit things they waste their money on at Walmart), then they could pay to have a real photographer take pictures of their kids.

      • Heather

        I had this happen to me at the Venue I shoot for. A guy came in who said he shot for a magazine offered all of the performers to shoot and video tape their sets for 25 bucks. Not only did he mess up my shoot because of his bounce flash that was going off in everyone’s face he was rude and disrespectful after I went down and talked to him kindly asking him to stop flashing everyone because I was taking pictures also. Come to find out, he doesn’t shoot for a magazine and he is a huge Fauxtog that liked to throw names around to get business. Needless to say out of a two day show he got maybe 2-3 good shots of each group and completely thrashed the integrity of the lighting at the show. I’m a professional so well.. I got the shots I needed even having to work around his flash. Showed a lot of groups at the Venue.. you get what you pay for.. I’m expensive but worth every cent.

    • TollToll

      I agree… the cheap-os. They swoop out and say they’ll take unlimited pictures and give them to them, GIVE THEM TO THEM, no copyrights or anything.

  7. That’s just a pastel pixelated MESS

  8. Excuse me, I’d like a photograph that makes it appear that all of my daughters nightmares came true on her birthday. Done.

  9. There is no excuse for this foul abomination masquerading as photography.

  10. I love the warholian way the picture shows how dumb one can be. Or blind.

  11. One word….. “Jaundice!”

  12. shooshine

    they say laughter burns calories ……. i just lost 14kg’s ….. and still going ….. hahahahahahahaha!

  13. Yeah baby

    This is so ridiculously awful, it is almost good 😀
    Is it photography at its worst or a pure ingenious postmodern artist has been born?

    I bet in 20 years this will be sold for millions along with tomato soup cans and Marilyn.

  14. robert

    I wonder if these photographers have any passion or drive for their work, or they just think it to be an easy way to make a quick buck.
    This one is utterly clueless what the photo is all about, and put the child in the laughing stocks instead.

  15. Faith Simbeck

    Seriously? Who the hell would pay for such shitty ass photography? Obviously the people who buy it have the same shitty sense of humor! Gah….poor kid!

  16. justme

    even the baby looks like she’s saying “really.”

  17. This one burned my eyes.

  18. What is this I don’t even.

  19. It looks for all the world like somebody took a snapshot of a baby eating some gawdawful messy food, did a terrible cutout job, ‘shopped in the wings and tacky hat, spot-coloured the gawdawful sticky mess to match the tacky hat and called it good.

  20. E. you know how they build experience… THEY GO TO SCHOOL. that way when you start your portfolio you already know what you are doing. so many people these days think that just because you can find tutorials online means they can be a photographer. makes me sick to see just a beautiful art being butchered.

    • You don’t have to go to school to be a successful photographer.

  21. Please don’t crucify me for this, but this is kind of a fun pop art piece. The photo & background are working well together. I’d never accept this photo on its own, otherwise.
    Ok…I’m sorry.

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