Blotchy Baby

odd coloured baby

We know it’s a hard concept to grasp, but a good rule to follow is; don’t make babies look like corpses in your photos!!

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  1. Is it possible the baby is deceased? I’ve seen a few people post photos taken after their baby was stillborn.

    • There would be a chance, but if you look, you can see baby squishing his brow and clenching his hands. Baby is alive, but I wonder if the “photographer” knows that this is what stillborn babies look like when they come out… =/

    • No, actually I submitted this one, and it was the fauxtographers niece………….

      • Oh my…..why would any look at this and think….this is great? Wow.

    • darkiegirls

      tbh I thought similiar: I know of someone who shares every year a picture of their stillborn on fb- however the posture/expression shows it is most definitely living- more of a case of over-processing…

  2. Ahhhhh! Even with the possibility of this baby being decease, this is terrifying.

  3. A gift “frow” God??

    • omg!!”frow” wow

    • Derp Blue

      It’s cursive people, jeez – the image sucks, but typo there is not

      • That’s a cursive ‘w’, not ‘m’. If it were an ‘m’ it would connect at the top, not the bottom. Just like regular print. It’s definitely a typo, although it is probably the least of our worries with this picture lol.

  4. I don’t do newborns or babies but something still gives me the feeling that this is wrong. At the very least! Learn to check your spelling! HOLY BALLS!

  5. Not sure if it’s spelled wrong or it’s a bad choice of fonts. I could be an “m” and not a “w.” Regardless, it’s a horrible photo of a live baby. Get a skin smoothing filter, Fauxtog!!! Better yet, put your camera away.

  6. GeekAndProud

    Got nothing to do with filters, someone turned up the clarity/prescence/sharpness slider to 1000%

  7. I have some disturbing news for the parents. It would appear from the looks of your “gift” that God does not like you. And I have a message for God. Please strike down this “photographer”. The sooner the better. Thank you.

  8. Christina

    I like the font. There, I said something positive…..even though I like the font for something other than this….poor kid.

  9. It will never cease to amaze me how someone can make something as beautiful as a fresh new life look horrifying and disturbing. Please, take your camera out to your driveway and run it over with your car. Like, several hundred times.

    • More like take your cell phone to your driveway and run it over several times… that photo looks no better than what a cell phone could produce. And then adding sharpening using Piknik or whatever.

  10. I can’t believe no one has mentioned the awful and distracting blanket, flowers, etc. besides the baby’s look!!!

    • It’s just that the crime that this photographer committed against this poor innocent was so blatant that it takes most of your attention. But yes, the zebra is a pretty interesting choice (probably parent’s but the photographer should take control and change it) and that flower that so wonderfully demonstrates what lighting technique (wrong) was used still isn’t enough to distract from the poor little baby. Indeed, a train wreck for so many more reasons than the poor thing’s skin.

  11. Why four periods? Why not the proper three? If it was a Facebook post it wouldn’t bother me, but it’s somebody’s baby photo!

    • Four is correct. Three are ellipses, one is the closing period.

      • cameraclicker

        Don’t know why an ellipsis would be there. If it is a thought trailing off, there is no period, just the ellipsis. There should be a space before the ellipsis if we are going to be sticklers.

      • There is no space when it’s closing a sentence. There is a space when used between fragments.

      • You don’t use a period AND an ellipse. The ellipse is the thought trailing off; using a period afterwards would completely defeat the purpose.

      • ellipsis**

  12. Areal photographer.

    How do you get the professional photographer off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza.

  13. Areal photographer.

    In case you retards can’t figure it out your site is a joke of a joke and I piss on your work. Get off the internet and start dong work instead of being a bunch of online faketographers who claim to shot more and better then every one else you bunch of useless twats. Me on the other hand I’m making money and got gigs lined up for weeks but I had to swing by this shit site to let you all know how worthless you are as so claimed photographers now get back on welfare you typical rednecks.

    • I’m so happy that you have gigs lined up for weeks. I wish I had that much free time on my hands but I’m booked into September of 2014 for weddings. For myself, I was sharing advice with others on a camera forum when someone linked to this site as examples of what not to do and why certain things were just plain wrong. If you fail to see the many things wrong with this posted photo, then maybe you require some photography classes to go with your etiquette lessons. I myself will continue to direct people to this site in order to demonstrate all that is wrong with technique and pp-ing.

      • Derp Blue

        oh my, how good of you. the last thing a proper teacher should do is poke fun at terrible work. this site IS tacky. fuck off, you self righteous douchbag

      • Part of teaching is showing the why. If you tell someone not to overprocess, a good teacher will show an example of results.

        Knowing what not to do is almost as important as what to do. In fact, it’s often clearer what not to do.

    • This site IS tacky. Duh. That’s the point of it. Lighten up and laugh at the hilarity, or get off this site!

      • Exactly. This site is the readers digest version of all those wonderful pages of “photographers” on facebook. It just saves people the time of wading through the mess to see the best of the worst.

    • Most of us are real photographers with sessions scheduled. I’m working on finishing up a family session and a wedding.
      Never been on welfare either…

    • Is this your shit then?

  14. Hey, Areal! I’m guessing this is your work from that critical post. I feel for you, but A REAL photographer can see so many terrible things in this photo, technically, there is not one thing right with it, white balance, colour tone, skin tone, sharpening, and post processing in general. I would suggest you google those. And just for your own benefit, look at google for newborn photography/photographers and set yourself a goal. This is NOT photography!!

  15. Absolutely f***ing horrendous, I have no other words.

  16. I can almost hear Bill Cosby saying “You’ve given birth to a lizard.”

    Poor baby. I hope somebody else gets some better snapshots because this one is pretty bad..from the props and backdrop distracting from the subject to the harsh lighting (what did they use..a shop light?) to the weird angle…just wow. I miss the good old days of baby photography when nobody used props or gimmicks because babies don’t need props and gimmicks.

    Mark my words in about 20 years there will be a whole generation of adults cringing when they look back at all the silly babies in pea-pods, babies being held upside down by parents, and babies in baskets of tropical fruit.

    • Oh…and now apparently we can add to that list “babies being flung hither and thither on beaches” If you’ve not seen in on Reddit, Facebook, Tumblr or your go-to news page, then you will soon enough.

      • I havent seen it and cannot for the life of me find a photo of what your talking about haha anyway care to post a link to elaborate?

    • I have to agree a lot with Spike. I’m not a fan of the over-posed baby photos overrun by props. I like more simple poses. Sure you can do a composite of three images so the baby appears to be holding up its head with its hands and smiling a big goofy smile, but really, should you? There are many many excellent photographers out there who specialize in newborns, and don’t get me wrong, they are talented and the babies are adorable. But a lot of it is too trendy. Anne Geddes had those horrible child photos and a lot of newborn photography today reminds me of that. The extent of props that I think are tasteful are soft blankets in a nice basket or crate, and a simple hat and diaper cover and maybe booties.

  17. It’s just a tough photo to get right. Personally, I wouldn’t attempt it myself.

  18. Are we sure the photographer didn’t accidentally leave the camera around for the baby’s 12 year old niece to have a go at a picture? Then the photographer’s intern got confused and accidentally released it? There really can be no other explanation for such an abomination of piss-poor shooting and shit editing!

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